


Trust

by Rookblonkorules



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Drugs, F/M, Gen, Hotch is concerned, Lila is a good girlfriend, Referenced Drug Use, Referenced Kidnapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2020-01-15 22:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18508687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rookblonkorules/pseuds/Rookblonkorules
Summary: Post Revelations, Hotch and Lila have a discussion. Established Lila/Reid.





	1. Chapter One

Gideon had told Hotch already that Reid had a visitor. Someone who wasn’t any of them.

It’s still hard to prepare himself for what he finds upon getting to his youngest agent’s hospital room.

There’s a stranger by his agent’s bedside. It takes all his self-control not to bristle, because the girl isn’t a stranger. Not really. Not to Reid.

The young woman has her head dipped down, face hidden by a curtain of blonde hair that hangs down.

Her hand clutches Reid’s limp one, thumb tracing gentle circles over the pale skin.

Hotch steps into the room, making his presence known.

“He’s alive,” he says softly.

Lila Archer looks up. There are tear tracks running down her cheeks, which she quickly wipes away with her free hand. She sniffles, nodding her head mutely. 

He’s thinking the same thing she most surely is.

_ He almost wasn’t. _

It was close. Too close for his tastes. Too close for anyone. And looking at Lila, he knows it was too close for her too.

Hotch wonders just how close the actress and Reid have become over the past year. 

He glances across the room. There’s one other seat. His first inclination is to pull it up and take a seat by Reid’s bedside.

Something stops him and instead he finds himself looking to Lila for permission. “Do you mind if I sit?” he asks.

She shakes her head, dabbing at her eyes. “Go ahead,” she whispers and Hotch does so.

It’s easy enough for the quiet to remain. Neither of them seems eager to be the one to break it. They’re both content to simply watch Reid breathe, to remind themselves that he’s still alive.

Hotch studies him. In the hospital bed, he looks so fragile, breakable like glass.

It bothers Hotch, seeing him so still, especially considering… considering the last time he had seen him like that, it had been minutes after he’d literally been beaten to death at a serial killer’s hands.

But there’s a contrast here. Hotch can watch the rise and fall of his chest, console himself that he’s not dead, only sleeping. 

Hotch shifts. “You and Reid are close,” he observes. It isn’t a question and yet it is at the same time.

Lila nods. “We… kept in touch. A few phone calls.” She smiles a little offhandedly. “I visited him once.”

That surprises Hotch, but Lila doesn’t volunteer anymore details and he doesn’t ask.

The silence doesn’t last long before Lila is speaking again. “It was on the news, you know,” she says quietly.

Yes. Hotch does know. He lets her continue. 

“It scared me to death.” She chokes a little on her words and, maybe it’s only his imagination (he doubts it), but she clutches Reid’s hand a little tighter. “I thought… I thought…” But she trails off and, in the end, she doesn’t tell Hotch what she thought. (But he can guess well enough.)

“What happened?” she finally whispers.

It’s not an accusation, but it weighs heavily on his shoulders as if it had been.

After all,  _ he’s  _ the one responsible for his agent’s current state.

“I sent him,” Hotch confesses. His hands are folded, hanging between his knees. He can’t take his eyes off Reid, but he can sense Lila staring at him in muted disbelief.

So he keeps talking. 

Hotch has no idea what entity possesses him to suddenly start pouring his heart out to the actress.  Maybe it’s because, despite the short amount of time he’s spent with her, he knows that she truly loves him. She wouldn’t have flown all the way out here just to be with him if it had been otherwise.

“I sent him to the unsub’s house,” Hotch continues. His voice, which he struggles to keep toneless and clinical, nearly cracks with guilt. He’d sent Reid and JJ to Hankel’s house- in the same way he’d sent Elle home… and into the waiting arms of Randall Garner. He leans forward, runs one hand down his face. Even though he knows that she already knows this part, he adds, “He was taken.”

Hotch finally forces himself to look up at her. He’s faced the grieving loved ones of victims before.

But this is different. This time, the victim is Reid. This time, he was the one who hand-delivered him straight to the unsub’s door. 

There’s no accusation in Lila’s eyes. But there isn’t quite understanding there either. 

He understands that. 

Reid is still alive, but she’s dealing with the fact that she’s almost lost him. She’s shaken. It’s understandable.

Hotch tilts forward, as if bowed by the weight of his responsibility in the matter, pressing a hand over his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. He doesn’t know if he’s apologizing to his agent in the bed or the young woman sitting beside him. 

Hotch isn’t sure what he expects from her. 

He’s surprised to suddenly feel a soft, warm hand placed over the hand resting on his knee. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” she tells him. Her voice is unsteady and there are tears shimmering in her eyes, but the conviction is there. 

Hotch isn’t quite sure what to say. He’d expected her blame, but now he doesn’t know how to accept her forgiveness. 

“He talks about you, you know,” Lila says. She withdraws her hand and uses it to tuck her hair back again. She bites her lip, looking almost uncertain, but then she plows ahead anyways. “How much he trusts you.”   
_ Trust. _

The word hits Hotch with all the force of a dump truck head on. It almost takes his breath away. Scratch that. It  _ does _ take his breath away and he finds himself regaining it step by slow and shuddery step.

Because he knows it’s true. 

_ “I knew you’d understand.” _

Hotch thinks back to those words. Because even after Hotch had let him down, after he’d sent him right to the enemy unknowingly, Reid had still trusted him completely to get him out of there.

The weight of that trust sits heavily on his shoulders.


	2. Chapter 2

“Spencer?” Lila is careful to keep her voice even, despite the trembling in her limbs. She clutches the two vials tightly in her hand. 

Spencer is sitting on the couch. He’s been flipping through the pages of a book manically for the past ten minutes. He hadn’t responded to any of her inquiries, lost in the pages of his own world. 

She stops about four feet in front of him. 

He doesn’t look up. He doesn’t even seem to notice her.

She takes a deep breath, praying that he would prove her wrong. That these aren’t what she thinks they are.

“Spencer, what are these?” 

Slowly, he turns his eyes up to her. She sees the panic that flares in his eyes when he notes the vials in her hand and the last of her hope spirals down the drain.

“Where did you get those?” he asks breathlessly. He half rises off the couch and his eyes never leave the vials.

“It doesn’t matter,” Lila says because it doesn’t. Not with Spencer’s life on the line. “What are these? Spencer, tell me they’re not what I think they are.”

Spencer is off the couch, stumbling towards her before she thinks he even has a chance to process what his actions are.

“Give them to me!” he demands, holding his hand out.

Lila takes a step back. She knows Spencer won’t hurt her, but… it scares her to see him like this. 

She has no idea what he’s going to do.

“No,” she chokes out, surprised by how difficult it is to get the words out all of a sudden. 

“Lila, please.” Spencer takes a few staggering steps forward.His knee knocks into the corner of the coffee table, but he doesn’t seem to notice.  His voice sounds choked and Lila realizes that he’s on his last thread.

That knowledge has the last of her defenses crumbling and before she knows it the tears are running down her own face.

She hates seeing him like this. She  _ hates _ it. 

“Please,” Spencer begs. “I need them. Lila, you don’t… I  _ need  _ them.”

“You don’t, Spencer,” Lila says. She tries to keep her voice firm and steady and surprises herself when she mostly succeeds. She’s seen too many people head down this road. Too many lives destroyed. 

She won’t let Spencer, her Spencer, her amazing, intelligent and  _ brave _ Spencer, be one of those casualties. 

Not if she can help it. 

Lila’s clutching the vials so tightly she thinks they might break. Maybe they would- if they were eggs- but of course they don’t.

If only they would.

“You don’t need them, Spencer,” she says, dropping her tone to a loud whisper. “That’s the…” Addiction. That’s the word she’s looking for. The word she should us. But she can’t. Not when it’s referring.

“That’s not you speaking,” she finishes.

“How would you know?” Spencer spits out. 

Lila is shocked by the amount of venom present in his voice.

Spencer doesn’t sound like Spencer. But then of course he wouldn’t.

He catches her off guard, lunging for her.

Lila stumbles back, holding the vials out of reach.

“No!” she shouts, surprising them both with some vehemence of her own. She’s shaking from the force of her own emotions, but, whatever happens, she won’t let him have them. 

She’s crying harder now, nearly blinded by her own tears.

Spencer’s own tears have been replaced by a rage fueled by desperation. He wants what’s in those vials. 

It has a vice grip on his soul. One she’s determined she’s going to break.

His eyes won’t focus on her. They won’t leave the vials in her hand.

She takes another step back, just in case, in another burst of speed, he should lunge for the two little vials in her hand and this time be successful in his efforts to take them back.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Spencer,” she says carefully, trying to ignore the way her voice wobbles, the way her lips tremble, as she speaks. 

Her palms are sweating. The vials feel slick in her hand. She’s afraid she’s going to drop them, that they’ll slip from her hand and that in the race to dive for them, Spencer will beat her to them.

She tightens her grip on them again, feeling the glass grind together.

“And you’ll have to hurt me to get to them.”

Maybe it isn’t fair, using his love for her against him like that. But it’s his soul she’s fighting for here.

And she wants his love to win out against this addiction.

The Spencer she knows would choose her. Every time.

Her words seem to break something inside Spencer. He crumbles in on himself. He doesn’t even make it back to the couch. He just drops to his knees, bending over himself and curling his arms over his head.

Lila can’t hear his sobs, but with the way his shoulders are shaking, she doesn’t need to.

She backs away, then spins around and sprints to the kitchen, unscrewing the lids as best she can as she goes.

She makes it to the sink, pouring every last drop of the vile liquid down the drain, before disposing of the bottles. 

Lila makes it back to Spencer, falling to her knees beside him and wrapping him in her arms. 

He doesn’t resist, doesn’t try to pull away or snap at her. 

Lila takes it as a good sign.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes. His words are almost indiscernible. “I’m so sorry.”

Lila shushes him, running her hands through his hair. 

It’s several minutes before Spencer speaks again.

“He drugged me.” The words are even softer than his apology. She has to strain her ears to understand, but once their meaning sinks in, a chill spreads through Lila’s body. It starts at her heart, spreading out to each of her limbs and ending with a tingle in her digits. “I didn’t… I begged him not to and… I’m so sorry.”

With each word, the horror Lila is feeling grows. She thinks of Spencer, her Spencer, suffering in the hands of that… that madman and she realizes she is shaking. 

“It’s okay.” She murmurs soothing words into his ear, holding him a little tighter to her. “We’re gonna get you help.” She sucks in a breath, sniffling as she does so. She’s crying. Has been for a long time. “You’re the strongest person I know. You’re going to beat this. And I’m never going to give up on you.”

Tobias Hankel is dead.

And Lila Archer will see him burn in hell.

 


End file.
